I Love You With All My Heart
by Rubber Ducker
Summary: Sakura tries to get Sasuke to fall in love with her. Sakura bashing. Onesided sasusaku?
1. All my heart

a/n: My second fic! XD And it's a humor fan fiction. This is pretty much just taking a jab at the SasukexSakura relationship. I _strongly_ dislike this pairing. Please, this is NOT meant to be taken seriously. This has Sakura bashing. Hope you like!

_Inspiration: Link and Luigi. Love you guys. XD_

_--_

_Day 1_

_Dear Diary,_

_My name is Haruno Sakura. I'm a ninja girl that lives in Konoha. HELL YEAH! KONOHA PUH-RIDE! But anyways. I'm 12 years old (12 AND A HALF!) and I'm madly in love with Uchiha Sasuke. He is sooooo cute. And I have a rival. Her name is Yamanaka Ino and I HATE her! She likes Sasuke too! What a bitch! He's mine! Geez! Tomorrow I'm going to tell Sasuke my true feelings. I wonder what he'll say._

_---_

The next day…

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura appeared at their normal training spot at a very early time in the morning, as always. I'm not gonna waste time on describing what they look like because I think that we all watch Naruto here and therefore we know what they look like. They waited and waited and waited. Boy, did they wait. Naruto had his eyes slit in that annoying way he always does and Sakura almost fell asleep once more. And Sasuke was being Sasuke-like and standing there like a statue and looking like he knew everything in the world.

All of the sudden, footsteps approached. But it wasn't an enemy, silly! It was KAKASHI!1one

"YOU'RE LATE!" Naruto and Sakura screamed like they usually do and Sasuke was silent.

Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi began to bicker as Sasuke started to walk away. I guess he figured that he was too good for these people that he was now on going to pretend he didn't know because they were weird. ALL THE SUDDEN, Sakura's Sasuke-senses were tingling as she ran off to him.

"SASUKE!" she cried, and hugged Sasuke's back dramatically, as Sasuke really wished he was somewhere else right now.

"Sasuke…" she began again. "Don't leave me..!"

He sighed.

"Sakura, I really want you to let go of me. Right now. Before I implode."

"But Sasuke… you don't understand!"

"Understand what?"

"MY FEELINGS!"

"Your feelings?"

"YES! MY FEELINGS! MY FEELINGS FOR YOU, SASUKE!"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at this.

"I don't want you to go because… because…"

Sakura's dumb theme started to play as she got a VERY dramatic look on her face. And then a few minutes passed.

"Um… beeeeecause?" Sasuke questioned, getting annoyed (again).

"I… I… I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!" Sakura yelled dramatically as she put her hands over her heart as tears poured out of her eyes and she looked so ridiculous. Her eyes were shut tightly as she waited for an answer, but she didn't hear anything. So then, she opened her eyes to look up at him.

And he was smiling.

_He's smiling! she thought excitedly. MISSION SUCCESS!_

And Sasuke began to… LAUGH. And Sakura's eyes turned into dots.

So he laughed. And laughed. And laughed some more!

"Are you as excessively happy as me…?" Sakura asked, hopefully.

"Wait…" Sasuke said tiredly, wiping away a tear. "You were being serious?"

"I would never lie about my TRUE feelings!" Sakura cried.

And Sasuke began to laugh… again. How out-of-character!

"Wha… why are you laughing, Sasuke? It's mutual, right? Now you're gonna hug me and say, "Oh Sakura! I've secretly been harboring feelings for you all along and just ACTING like a heartless bastard so you would fall for me, hard!", right?"

"Sakura…" Sasuke said, exhausted.

_Yes.. YES.. THIS IS IT! YES!_

"Sakura, we're 12. We don't even have pubic hair yet."

A little surprised from his words, she took a stern look on her face. "12-and-a-half!" she corrected. "What are you saying?"

"You don't love me. What makes you think you're in love with me?"

"Well…" she stuttered like Hinata. "Everytime I look at you I blush and you're just so cute and cool and whenever I see you I get butterflies in my stomach and I get dizzy! Because I love you."

"You're annoying." he said stoically as he repeated the most famous SasukexSakura line ever.

"But--"

He cut her off and ran away. Fast. So fast that his legs were little swirlies like in those cartoons so they looked like at symbols that you put in email addresses that ff dot net won't let you upload.

_Oh Sasuke! How cute! Playing hard-to-get, eh? Don't worry, I'm all yours!_

Sakura walked away and thought of how she could woo Sasuke tomorrow.


	2. True strength

Haha glad I haven't gotten any flames yet (: Not that that would STOP me or anything. Out of all the chapters I've written so far, this one is particularly my favorite. XDD

_--_

_Day 2_

_Dear Diary,_

_I did it! I finally told Sasuke my TRUE feelings. He's sooooo cute! He's playing hard-to-get with me! Tee-hee! I have an idea (now that we know our feelings are mutual). Sasuke likes STRONG girls, riiiight? Well I'll just show him my true strength!_

--

Next day…

As usual, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura met again at that bridge. It was the same morning ritual as always; Kakashi being late and Sakura and Naruto yelling at him because he was late again. And Sasuke… being Sasuke.

"Today," Kakashi began, "I will be putting you up against one another to test how good you've gotten in terms of strength."

"Awwwright!" Naruto exclaimed. "Now I can beat the crap outta you, Sasuke!"

Sasuke scoffed. "You're in over your head, dumbass."

"I AM NOT A DUMBASS!" Naruto fought back, about to pound Sasuke in the ground, except Sasuke dodged with ease and did the pounding to Naruto instead like it was nothing. That Sasuke!

"Dumbass." Sasuke smirked.

"Owww… you bastard!" Naruto wouldn't have the last word. He CAN'T have the last word. He's Naruto!

"Naruto, you stupid idiot! Why do you always have to be mean to Sasuke?" Sakura attempted to stick up for Sasuke.

"Wah… Sakura…" Naruto said, weepy-eyed.

"Now, now, wait to fight AFTER I say you can." Kakashi sighed. Those students of his.

_THIS IS PERFECT! Sakura thought. SASUKE CAN SEE MY STRENGTH AND HOW MUCH I'VE PROGRESSED!111111ONE!_

"First, we'll put the best student here against the worst student here." Kakashi instructed. "Uchiha Sasuke…"

"Stupid Sasuke! Why does everyone think he's all that?" Naruto questioned to himself out loud.

"Stupid Naruto!" Sakura kicked dirt in his face. "You're just jealous!"

And Naruto cried. Why was his true love so mean to him?

_Jesus, I HATE Naruto! _Sakura thought

Kakashi coughed. "And the worst student…"

Sakura and Sasuke both looked at Naruto. And Naruto was like "…?"

"… Haruno Sakura."

Sakura's eyes turned into dots. Naruto gave a mischievous Naruto-smile. Sasuke didn't even flinch. He KNEW it because he's a GENIOUS.

"HEHEHE! Looks like I'm not the weakest here afterall!" Naruto half-exclaimed happily, half-eyeing Sasuke who was already eyeing Naruto because they're rivals and that's what rivals do.

And Sakura gave Naruto this STARE that was like "WTF DID YOU SAY!1/1/1/1!2/23DKGJ498649085/"

"I mean… Kakashi must be wrong! You're so awesome, Sakura!" Naruto lied as he slowly backed away because he was afraid of Sakura smiting him. As if THAT would happen.

Kakashi coughed again. Maybe he had a cold? Or maybe he's Hayate! Or maybe he was just clearing his throat. Who knows!

"Um.. Just start already."

And they did.

"Sasuke, don't go easy on me just because I'm a girl!" Sakura cried as she got into some lame fighting stance.

"Uh-huh."

Sakura then put her forehead protector on her forehead because she was big and bad and hardxcore and all that jazz. Sasuke was just like ".".

"Take this, Sasuke!" she cried as she charged towards him with a kunai in her hand. "HI-YA!" she cried stupidly.

She lunged the kunai at his shoulder but he dodged it so easily it wasn't even funny. And then he hit her BIG FOREHEAD with his elbow like it was the easiest thing in the world. And then she stumbled back.

"Hey… how did you do that? I have AMAZING chakra control!" she said all confusing-like.

"What's your point?" Sasuke was lost.

"I'm STRONG!" she huffed.

"Sakura, it doesn't matter if you're amazing at chakra control if you never do anything except whine."

"…oh.." she said, dejectedly.

Then she got DETERMINED. Again. And she charged at Sasuke again. "Look, Sasuke! I can be strong!"

So she ran up to him and BIT him. On the arm.

"Atta girl, Sakura!" Naruto cheered, pretending like he thought Sakura was doing a good job.

"What the hell! Sakura, get off me!"

And Sakura bit harder until he bled.

_Oh Sasuke! You're bleeding! I hate to be the one doing this but now you can see my strength!_

After about 10 minutes of Sasuke just sitting there looking like: ".." and Sakura not moving as she just… bit him.

Sasuke was getting bored of this and he didn't wanna get rabies from his teammate so he chidori'd her gigantic forehead all the way to Switzerland. However that worked.

"Sasuke! HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL TO SAKURA!" Naruto rolled up his sleeves as he was about to bash Sasuke's face in until it got turned around again and it was Naruto with the bashed face and Sasuke being all "heh".


	3. Boxers and Blackmail

Thanks so much you guys! Really, I just love reviews. They really help me to keep going. I've been writing this everyday. Hope you guys enjoy!

--

_Day 3_

_Dear diary,_

_I think I did a good job yesterday! Sasuke must think I'm the strongest kunoichi IN THE WORLD. I hope I didn't hurt him too much! He did beat me, though… but that's okay, I just let him! Hehe! Don't worry, Sasuke, my darling. Haruno Sakura is here to lick your wounds!11111one!_

_--_

_The next day…_

It was a very early time in the morning at the bridge, where Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura waited for their teacher once more. Are you sensing a trend? Sakura tried to slowly side-step closer and closer to Sasuke as Sasuke side-stepped AWAY from Sakura faster and faster.

"Sasuke." Sakura spoke softly as she had huge sparkles in her eyes.

Sasuke groaned. Would this girl leave him alone EVER?

"Um, about yesterday…" she began again, looking downwards and blushing as she attempted to look cute and shy but instead she looked really stupid. "Are you hurt?"

Sasuke shifted uncomfortably.

"What is it, Sasuke?"

He sighed. "Don't worry, you didn't hurt me, Sakura." He looked down and looked at the bite mark she gave him. Sasuke considered getting tested for rabies at that moment.

"Sakura!" Naruto exclaimed. "I'm sure you did A LOT of damage to Sasuke! He's just pretending that you didn't hurt him even though you did." Naruto lied. He had to get Sakura to fall in love with him SOMEHOW!

"Oh SASUKE! CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?" Sakura wailed as gigantic waterfalls of tears poured out from her eyes as she hugged Sasuke again like there was no tomorrow. Sasuke died a little inside.

"How about MY hug, Sakura?" Naruto said confidently.

"YOU PERVERT!" Sakura screamed really loudly and beat him up and punched him and kicked him with the BRUTE powers of Inner Sakura for like… no reason.

"Ow…" Naruto said woefully as he rubbed his hair.

"Sakura, why did you call Naruto a pervert?" Sasuke asked out of nowhere.

Sakura was silent. She was absolutely STUMPED!

After about a minute of silence, Sasuke and Sakura could hear Naruto screaming "YOU'RE LATE!". I bet you can't guess who he was screaming it to.

For the past few days, Kakashi noticed that his students were… not getting along so well. So he gave them a looooong long long long long lecture. One that I'm NOT going to type out.

Naruto was daydreaming about something else (probably Sakura) and not paying a bit of attention. Sasuke didn't pay any attention either because even though he LOOKED calm, his mind was screaming "KILL ITACHI, GET REVENGE, GET POWER, BE AN AVENGER, BE EMO". And Sakura was paying CLOSE attention so she could impress Sasuke. As if he was paying attention. And even if he WAS paying attention, why would he even care?

Kakashi kept babbling on and on about friendship and teamwork and all that good stuff when he was suddenly interrupted by Sasuke.

"Ahem," he began. "I need to use the restroom."

Kakashi nodded and excused Sasuke so he could do his business.

"Kakashi!" Sakura cried. "I need to use the bathroom TOO!"

_Heehee, now I can spy on Sasuke with his pants off!_

Kakashi sighed. "Just hurry up." Sakura nodded and ran away. She had to catch up to Sasuke because… because she's Sakura and she's a zombie Sasuke slave. But she didn't get TOO close so Sasuke wouldn't see her.

Naruto was just zoned out the entire time so let's just forget about him for now.

So anywho, Sasuke (with Sakura close behind him) went to the nearby lake where he could do his duty. We'll just pretend that Sasuke can't sense Sakura's presence because this is my fanfic and I say it can be that way.

Sakura hid in a bush and watched cautiously as Sasuke slowly unzipped his pants and then WHIPPED IT OUT. Just kidding, though! Anyways, he unzipped his pants barely and you could see his boxers. And not just ANY boxers. His POKE'BALL boxers.

Sakura covered her mouth with her hands tightly as she tried not to laugh.

_OH EM GEE! She squealed in her mind. This is SUCH a cute side of Sasuke!_

Except, she also squealed it out loud. She then gasped loudly and covered her mouth again.

_Thank god he didn't hear me!_

"Sakura, you know I heard you." said Sasuke as if he was ALL THAT. Startled by Sasuke, (haha. Stupid Sakura.) Sakura jumped out of the bushes all covered in leaves and twigs and all sorts of random assorted things like that as she rubbed the back of her head and did a huge anime sweatdrop thing.

"Oh… Sasuke! I--"

"You saw them, didn't you?"

"S-saw what?"

Sasuke blushed (holy shit?) and turned to the side.

"You know…"

"Oh SASUKE! You shouldn't be ashamed! That side is so cute of you, you and your little Poke'ball box--"

Sasuke put his hands over her mouth and shut her up.

"God damnit, Sakura. You couldn't possibly be any louder, could you?" he said as he slowly moved his hand away from her almost-as-equally-gigantic-as-her-forehead mouth.

Sakura then got an idea. An EVIL idea.

"NARUTO!" she screamed. "HELP ME! SASUKE IS ATTACKING ME!"

Back where Kakashi and Naruto were, Naruto's Sakura-senses began to tingle. "DON'T WORRY SAKURA! I'LL SAVE YOU FROM THAT BASTARD!" he cried as he took off, leaving his teacher by his ol', lonesome self. Sob.

Back where Sakura and Sasuke were, Sasuke was seriously about to chidori her huge forehead again. "What the hell was THAT for!" Sasuke yelled.

"Well, it's the fastest way Naruto will get here and he should know about you're poke'ball boxers." Sakura said nonchalantly.

Sasuke slapped his forehead. He knew what Sakura was trying to do.

"Fine, Sakura. You win. I'll go on a… Sasuke gulped. "…date with you. But don't tell ANYONE about my…" Sasuke paused. "Yeah."

Sakura's eyes lit up INSTANTLY. "REALLY! You really mean it, Sasuke? YAY!" She instantly GLOMPED Sasuke like there was no tomorrow and Sasuke was seriously considering suicide. He had to spend a whole day with SAKURA. GREAT!

"Don't get any ideas, Sakura." Sasuke grimaced.

"I wooooon't…" Sakura said, in dreamland.

Naruto finally came and Sakura beat him up and called him a pervert for no reason again and then he cried because he was confused.

Tomorrow was going to be a long day for Sasuke.

--

WHAT will Sasuke and Sakura do on their "date"? Will Sasuke SURVIVE? AND WHY WAS HE WEARING POKEBALL BOXERS? All this will be answered in time.


	4. The result of blackmail

_a/n: Wow! I seriously did not expect to get the amount of feedback that I've been getting! And what's even more unbelievable is that **Machi **has offered to draw a fan fiction of this fic! It's a-okay with you, how could I deny? XD Thank you SO much! Really, it is people like you that keep me going._

_--_

_Day 4_

_Dear Diary,_

_WOW! Sasuke asked me out on a date yesterday! I think he REALLY likes me. SQUEAL! I'm so excited! I don't think I'll get any sleep tonight. Haha, take that, stupid Ino! She better keep her dirty pig-hands off of MY man. I'm going to meet him in front of the Konoha gates. Oops! I forgot to tell him what time we were meeting. Hmm…_

---

Sakura's eyes SHOT open at some random time in the middle of the night. "Aw man…! I am SO excited! And obsessed!…I mean! Excited! CHA!" she randomly yelled throughout her house and the neighbors yelled at her. Stupid Sakura and her stupid gigantic-mouth-and-forehead COMBINATION.

She shut her eyes tightly for about 3 seconds when they opened wide again. _I wonder how Sasuke will be dressed… I bet he'll dress up all special just for ME!_

She shut her eyes again for like… not even a second when they opened again. "WHAT AM I DOING?" She cried loudly again as she quickly sat up. "We didn't set up a time! Sasuke could be there RIGHT NOW," she stupidly concluded at 2:15 in the morning. _I bet he's an early bird!_

Sakura got up and got dressed in the most BEAUTIFUL thing she had (as in that impractical red dress she wears every single day) and darted out the door.

She RAN to the Konoha gates as fast as she could, probably with the help of Inner Sakura or something lame like that. Unfortunately for her, Sasuke was NOT there. And then the "Sadness and Sorrow" theme started to play as we looked at Sakura's dramatically sad face (a/n: seriously, I'm listening to that right now and I was like… LMFAO WHAT IF I PUT THAT IN THE STORY FOR SOME NOT-DRAMATIC MOMENT.). She sat down and tried to put on a positive smile.

"He'll be here SOON! HEEHEE!" she giggled because she just randomly got excited again. And then she fell asleep right on the cold hard floor. Tsk tsk, Sakura, that's what you get for leaving the warm comfort of your own household!

---

"AIIEEEEEEE!1111111" Sakura screamed as she felt something very hot.

"Finally." Sasuke said coolly. "Pretty much NOTHING woke you up, so I had to Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu you. You snore pretty freaking loud. It's funny."

Sakura's eyes instantly lit up at the sight of Sasuke.

"SASUKE…..!" She pretty much SCREAMED as she glomped him like some sort of mad glomping machine. "You worked so hard to wake me up so we could go on our date…!" Waterfalls of tears poured out of her eyes and once again she looked pretty stupid.

"Well, yeah," Sasuke muttered, irritated. "If I didn't, you'd be bothering me about how I 'stood you up' for just about a million years."

"That's not true!"

Sasuke stared at her.

"Um… okay, so maybe it is…" Sakura shifted uncomfortably. "SO!" She exclaimed, trying to change the topic. "Where to?"

"Wherever. I was forced into this whole stupid thing anyways," Sasuke said as he looked at his watch covered in little Uchiha fans. He couldn't believe he was wasting time with Sakura.

Sakura's eyes got huge and sparkly. AGAIN. And Sasuke looked like he was about to gag. "Well… first we can go to Ichiraku ramen!"

"For breakfast…?"

"YES!"

"Oh, THAT'S right. We can be unoriginal just like every single Naruto fan fiction in the world and eat at the ramen place even though there are probably dozens of better restaurants out there most likely?"

Sakura nodded.

"Oh, okay."

So as they strolled their way to the ramen place, Sakura couldn't help but wonder.

"So, Sasuke," she began, "Why those ADORABLE Pokeball boxers? HEY! ARE YOU WEARING THEM NOW?" She made an attempt to pull down his pants a little bit until he punted her in the chin.

"Owch! SASUKE!"

"I'd rather not talk about that."

Sakura got up and brushed herself off. "Well, I guess YOU don't have to talk about it, but I could just tell lots of OTHER people and we can all talk about it!" she exclaimed with a perky smile.

Sasuke winced.

He took a deep breath. "Okay… you know how I'm the last Uchiha?"

Sakura nodded.

"Well…I need those Uchiha fans everywhere," Sasuke gulped. "Even on my… boxers. And it's not like they SELL Uchiha-fan boxers, and it's not like I was about to MAKE them. Closest thing was," Sasuke coughed, "_that_."

"Oh SASUKE!" Sakura said because she thought it was the cutest thing EVER. Freak. She attempted to hug him madly and just SHOWER his cute little face with kisses but then he pushed her way. Now who saw THAT coming?

"Uh… no."

Sakura was GOING to bawl madly until they got to the ramen place, and it's not like she wanted to make a scene. Strange, that usually doesn't stop her!

They were surprised to see someone else there. Somewhat… I mean, THEY were there. In the MORNING.

"SASUKE? AND SAKURA!" Naruto yelled. It's obvious it was Naruto. I mean, honestly. There's like no other characters in this fic, anyways.

Naruto was like "…!"

Sasuke was like "…"

Sakura was staring as Sasuke and blushing like a big, stupid tomato.

"Sakura! What did Sasuke do to you!" Naruto asked, enraged.

"STUPID NARUTO!" Sakura cried, and punched him with Inner Sakura strength.

"Wah!" Naruto weeped.

"Tell him, Sasuke!" Sakura ordered.

"We're on a…" Sasuke grimaced. Did he really wanna do this anymore? No. But if he didn't, Naruto would never let him hear the end of… yeah. He gulped"…date."

Naruto's eyes widened. "THAT'S IT, SASUKE! YOU'RE GOING DOWN!" Naruto cried as he rolled up his sleeves and was about to pull a Rasengan on Sasuke's face until Sasuke bashed Naruto's head in a wall like it was the easiest thing ever and smirked. (I don't hate Naruto! I love him. I'm just writing a humorous way to portray the Sasuke/Naruto relationship. XD) Sasuke "heh"d at his foolish rival. OH SO FOOLISH!

Naruto fell back softly with his eyes being swirlies. He blinked, then stomped off, muttering something incoherently like "Damn you, Sasuke!"

"One beef ramen, please!" Sakura smiled at the waiter person thingie and gave off an un-cute smile. "And you, Sasuke?"

"I don't eat ramen."

"Oh…" she said, dejectedly.

And then a few moments passed in silence. Sakura tried to reach for Sasuke's hand but he slapped it away before you can say "pineapple".

"Oh, Sasuke…" Sakura started.

"What?" Sasuke said, getting really annoyed at how many goddamn times he's heard Sakura say his name.

"Could you…" Sakura shifted uncomfortably to the side, while blushing un-cutely. "…kiss me?"

Sasuke stared at her. Did this girl really think that he liked her or something?

"Uh…" Sasuke stumbled. "No?"

"It's okay," Sakura smiled. "We can take things slow."

TAKE THINGS SLOW? Did Sakura think that they were in some sort of RELATIONSHIP or something? Sasuke was just about to contradict her statement until…

"Hey, forehead-girl! What are you doing here with SASUKE?" A loud voice cried.

Oh god. ANOTHER ONE.

---

WHO IS THIS GIRL! Okay, it's obvious, but I had to end this at SOME sort of cliffy, even though it's not really a cliffy because we OBVIOUSLY know who it is. Oh well!


	5. You're SO COLD

**Iloveinuyasha44: (:**

**FlamexSage: **That's cool, I have no problems with sasusaku fans. X3 I like to see some open-minded people around here, not people who are like "OMG I LOVE THIS PAIRING I HATE YOOOOOOOU" or… something. I'm not sure where this is going, but it won't be as simple as "Sakura dies!" XD;

**Biawutnow: **Wow, thanks for all the reviews. :D Once again, I have no problems with open-minded sasusaku fans. I'm a pretty big nejiten fan but hell, I even love bashing fics I read on them. As long as they're funny, right? Genius? XDDD;; It just came to me one day while taking a shower. O.o;;;

**Deathrosekitty: **-shifts uncomfortably- Well, uh… XD;; I guess since my chapters have had a trend of being somewhat short, adding another character would make it too lengthy to fit in, I guess. XD;

----

OMG! IT! WAS! INO! What a SHOCKER!

"What are you doing with MY Sasuke, you dumb forehead-girl?" Ino glared at Sakura while Sakura glared back.

"Um, I'm not yours, Ino." Sasuke explained, trying to break the ice.

"YEAH!" Sakura agreed. "IT'S BECAUSE HE'S MINE!"

Sasuke slapped his forehead. If I was Sasuke, I would have gotten a headache a LONG time ago from slapping my forehead so much!

Ino at that point grabbed Sasuke's arm. "I don't think so!" Ino cried, pulling down her bottom eyelid thing and sticking her tongue out. Then Sakura was like "!" and grabbed Sasuke's other arm.

"Let him go, you pig. He's on a date with ME."

"Hmph! Like Sasuke would willingly go on a date with someone who has SUCH A BIG FOREHEAD!"

Sasuke was sort of just sitting there like: "….."

"INO!"

"SAKURA!"

"BOTH OF YOU GET OFF ME, RIGHT NOW!" Sasuke yelled, his veins bursting as Sakura and Ino screamed "Eeeek!" in unison.

"It's REEEALLY hard to get this day going by faster as it already is. I'm about finished with this stupid 'date' so I can go home and do something better with my time, as long as it's not being with EITHER of you."

Ino and Sakura had a very shocked look on their faces.

"Sasuke…!"

"We… we're sorry…!"

Sasuked sighed. He was really tired of this. "Ino, please go home. Or somewhere very far away."

"But, Sasuke---!" She was interrupted by his glare. "u-uh!" Ino sweated, "I'll see you later, Sasuke!" and with that, she darted off, but not before glaring at Sakura but she was ALREADY glaring at Ino because they were TRUE rivals and that's what rivals do, remember?

"Sasuke, I--" Sakura began.

"Just. Shut up, Sakura. Have you even gone one minute of your life without saying my name?"

"YES! When I sleep, Sasu--"

GLARE GLARE GLARE.

Sakura looked down, defeated.

It was quiet for a while, and Sasuke had a bad headache. How could Sakura's obscure family members LIVE with this?

"So, um…" Sakura began. "I'm sorry, Sasu-- err… sorry."

Sasuke sighed. "It's… okay, Sakura." Except it really wasn't. But Sasuke has a wee bit of kindness in his heart to forgive her.

"So…" she began, once more. "What do you wanna do now?"

"Go home."

"B-but, it's only morning!"

"I know."

"But!"

"You said I had to go on a date with you. You never specified how long it had to be, and I think I let this go on WAY longer than I should have. I'm outta here," Sasuke said, as he stood up and walked away stoically as he left Sakura sitting there.

"Sasuke! WAIT!" Sakura cried as she ran after him.

"WHAT, Sakura?"

"Are we… breaking up?"

Sasuke stared at her again. Was she serious?

"Later, Sakura."

"WELL!" Sakura wailed, trying to sound mad. "YOU'RE NOT BREAKING UP WITH ME BECAUSE I BROKE UP WITH YOU FIRST! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Sakura weeped as she ran home.

"Okay," Sasuke shrugged off.

And Sasuke walked home. Okay, FIRST he went to go do something like look at the moon and be emo, even though I suppose that's sort of strange seeing as how it was just morning! And THEN he walked home.

A few hours later, the Uchiha household (even though only Sasuke lived there) received a phone call. Hey, Konoha has electrical wires like all over the place, so why wouldn't they have phones?

"Hello?" Sasuke answered.

"Hello?" The voice responded.

"….hello?" Sasuke repeated again.

"Hello?" The voice replied once more.

"…."

"…."

Click.

"What the hell was that?" Sasuke questioned out loud to himself and went back to doing whatever he was doing.

And the phone rang AGAIN!

"Hello?" Sasuke answered again.

"Hello?" The voice replied.

"Not this again…" Sasuke sighed. "Do you need anything?"

"Um, it's Sakura!"

"Well, I knew THAT," remarked Sasuke because he was a genius, even though he probably had no idea.

"I'm so sorry Sasuke! Can we get back together? PWEASE?"

"…."

"Sasuke? HELLO? DON'T LEAVE ME!"

"Sakura," he gave out a large sigh. "Where did you ever get the idea that we were an item?"

"Because you asked me out on a date!"

"No, Sakura. You blackmailed me into it. And you know what? I honestly don't care anymore."

"But, Sasuke…" said Sakura, getting all weepy-eyed.

"I'm going to seriously maim you if I hear you say my name again."

"Ooh, you're SOOOO cold!" Sakura commented. "See you tomorrow for training!"

"Whatever."

Click.

---

;o; Wah… this chapter wasn't that funny. Oh well! I'm not sure what to do next so leave me some suggestions please!


	6. The OOCtastic chapter

**FlamexSage: **It may surprise you but Ino is my favorite kunoichi too! She's pretty, smart, and really nice, but no one can see that because they think she's a zombie Sasuke slave. I mean, she IS a zombie Sasuke slave, but that's okay! ShikamaruxIno is probably my favorite het pairing. I should have made an authors note of my Ino-fandomness, but it slipped my mind. XD The Sakura/Ino rivalry I find it to be hilarious because they hate each other over a guy, so I was picking on it. XP And I am TOTALLY digging the new Ino look as well. She looks great! I drew a fanart of it on deviantart, you can find me there at chiiyako DOT deviantart DOT com.

**Shadowfox98: **Thanks muchly:3 I will be writing more fanfics in the future, but probably something more dramatic like romance. Unless I can think of a good humor story. :P

**Iloveinuyasha44: **Thanks for the suggestion XD But I don't think I'll ever promote in any way, shape, or form of Sasuke liking Sakura. Sorry. ;-;

**RinPuffy: **Least favorite for me. (: I do like Ino, though. Too bad this chapter is probably torture for Ino-fans alike. xD

**Dojo:** Not in this fanfic, no. XD Realistically, Sasuke will probably never fall in love with anyone but himself. The only true Sasuke pairing is SasukexSasuke, even though I do like myself some sasunaru, True that. :3

**NarutoBlackmail: **Indeed. :3 I'm a huge sasunaru fan, and my next fic is going to be a sasunaru as well! But in this fic, I'll just make a humorous rivalry between the two because I don't want Sasuke to fall in love in this. This is a Sakura bashing fic, not a sasunaru promoter (sadly)!

**Biawhutnow: **I know, he's almost as emo as Fall Out Boy. XD (sarcasm on that part. Sorry FAB fans. -sweat-)

---

_Day 5_

_Dear Diary,_

_Waaah! Our date was a complete FLOP! First we ran into STUPID Naruto who tried to ruin our date! GRR! And then we ran into ANOTHER stupid person! THAT INO! GAWSH, I hate BOTH of them! FO'SHEESH! I guess all of it was too much because Sasuke left me and we broke up. Sniff. I'm such an IDIOT! I'll get him to love me once more, some way or another._

---

That night…

_Alright! _Sakura huffed, clenching her fists tightly like she was tough or something. _I guess I should talk to him in person!_ She somehow deducted as she frolicked over to her beloved's house.BUT GUESS WHO SHE BUMPED INTO?

"Ino ?"

"Sakura ?"

Wow! Two times in one day! Isn't that fascinating? They glared at each other MADLY like TRUE rivals do because they so SO TOTALLY true rivals because they both like the same guy. No, really.

Ino hmph'd. "So, what are you doing here, forehead-girl?"

"I'm going to Sasuke's house!"

"Hahaha, I bet you're apologizing because you did something stupid on your 'date'. Stupid forehead-girl."

"Wha--! How do YOU know, you stupid Ino-pig?"

Oh MAN. They are SO tough, coming up with these OFFENSIVE nicknames for each other!

Ino didn't say anything.

"YOU SPIED ON US, DIDN'T YOU!" Sakura pieced together.

"Okay, forehead-girl. So maybe I did. What's it to you?"

Sakura glared at Ino and Ino glared back. Oh, the tension in the air!

"What do you want, Ino?" Sakura asked.

"Well, I was headed to Sasuke's house, but not because of the reason you think." And Sakura was like, "?"

"You're so naïve, Sakura! Well, if you MUST know!" Ino gestured for Sakura to come closer so she could whisper something in her ear for some reason, even though they were like… all by themselves.

So she, um… did?

Sakura was then like, "!" and then exclaimed loudly, "So you came here so you could meet up with me because you KNEW I'd come here so we can ally to get Sasuke to start liking us and whoever it is he likes the most becomes the victor and gets Sasuke?" Yep, loud enough for basically the whole world to hear so whispering that was about pointless, and Ino slapped her forehead.

"Er… yeah," she sweated.

"Hm… allying with you sounds weird! I don't wanna work with a BIG DUMB PIG!" Sakura began, and Ino glared at her with such… passion. "BUT… it does increase the chances of me and Sasuke being TOGETHER FOREVER. But then again, it does for you, too! So at the same time it is ALSO a competition!" Sakura declared, never even considering the fact that Sasuke will never fall in love with either of them, ever.

"50-50 chance," Ino smirked.

Sakura thought (well isn't that new?). "Alright, Ino-pig," Sakura said, returning the smirk. "You've got yourself a deal!" She announced, as they did some sort of weird secret handshake of theirs that involved many slaps, skips, and twirls. WEIRD.

So then they both frolicked hand-in-hand back to Ino's house! YAY! Except, they really didn't. They sort of just walked, side-by-side, discussing about what they could do to woo their beloved.

"Maybe we can send him love letters! He'd think that's really sweet!"

"Or maybe we can shower him with gifts!"

"And food!"

"Food?"

"CHA!"

"WELL THAT'S A GREAT IDEA! WE'LL MAKE HIM HEART-SHAPED GINGERBREAD COOKIES!"

"OHHHH, HECK YES!"

The two girls high-fived like they were the bestest friends ever and they giggled as they thought about Sasuke's cute, flustered face when he saw the cookies all the way to Ino's house. Don't even ask me who was saying what because I don't honestly know, and even if I did, who cares? It's just SAKURA and INO. (a/n: I really did make heart-shaped gingerbread cookies the other day. For myself. HEE HEE HEE! And I ate them all in like… 2 days. I'm a Rubber Ducker-pig. -dies- Except I'm not fat. Not that there's anything wrong with fat people! I'M JUST SAYING! STOP ACCUSING ME! SHEESH!)

They literally RAN through the front door, leaving Sakura-and-Ino shaped holes on Ino's door. MAN, INO'S DAD'S GONNA BE MAAAAAAD!

"I'LL GET THE FLOUR!" One cried.

"OKAY! I'LL GET THE EGGS!" The other cried.

That went on for a well 5 minutes until they got all the ingredients they needed.

About an hour later, the cookies were done. Honestly, as if I'd REALLY waste time explaining the process.

The girls had powder and flour and egg and all that good stuff all over themselves, like the apron didn't make any difference. Gee, aren't we girls supposed to be neat?

They pulled them out from the oven and they were basically LUMPS.

"Well, Ino-pig! I believe we've earned ourselves a taste!"

"Agreed, forehead-girl!" They laughed happily to each other OOC-ly.

Basically, when they tried it, their eyes became big O's. Hey! That's an anime! Anywho, it was um.. Bad.

"Sakura…" Ino began, actually not calling her a dumb forehead-girl FOR ONCE, "Did you put salt instead of sugar in these?"

"Oops! I did! TEE-HEE!"

"Should we start over?"

"Nah, I think Sasuke will probably just look at these and throw them away."

"Yeah, good point. Atleast he'll know we care."

"yeah…"

And it was quiet for a moment.

"Um, do you have that lunchbox that they use in those shoujo animes in which the girl bakes cookies for the boy that they like/love and the lunchbox has little bows on it?"

"Yup!" Ino replied. "Right here!" she pulled out of her back, out of thin air. Whoa.

"TO SASUKE'S!" Sakura pointed to some random direction, enthusiastically.

"TO SASUKE'S!" Ino reiterated as they charged out the door.

They frolicked over to Sasuke's house, arms linked. Yes, for real this time. Or not! I'll make it up to you to decide whether they did or didn't.

Meanwhile, Sasuke was chilling on his couch that was covered in Uchiha-fans. Other than writing angsty poetry, I have no idea what Sasuke would do in his free time. OH! I KNOW!

He then got up and pulled out his little Uchiha-fan covered darts and tossed them at a picture of Naruto that already had a bunch of holes and darts in it, and chuckled. No wait, that's weird, Sasuke doesn't laugh. Instead, he "heh"d and smirked because he had SO much pride. That's better!

Knock knock knock.

Sasuke could take a good guess at who this was. He turned his head slightly to the side to see Ino and Sakura waving madly in front of his window, while Sakura attempted to look cute by blushing and Ino just blushed normally.

Sasuke then proceeded to give them the finger and walked away to somewhere unknown (probably his bedroom that had a choujizillion Uchiha-fans surrounding the place).

Sakura and Ino grimaced. Now what?

"Now what?" Ino asked dejectedly.

"I don't know! I guess he's still mad!" Sakura explained.

Then they looked at each other.

"I guess we can just leave the cookies here."

"Yup."

Sakura put the cookies down in front of Sasuke's doorstep (which had an Uchiha-fan welcome mat).

"I'll see you later," Sakura said, walking back to her house.

"Yup," Ino replied, walking in the opposite direction.

5 minutes later, Sasuke's door opened and Sasuke found the cookies just sitting there. He cautiously looked around to see if anyone was there, but alas! No one was. He then grinned deviously, ran back inside, and shoved ALL the cookies in his mouth. Yum, cookies!

If only he knew that they put salt instead of sugar in the cookies.

---

Okay. I have NO IDEA where the hell this idea came from. I didn't want this story to end yet, though! For it is too soon! ONLY SIX CHAPTERS SO FAR! It cannot end yet!

This chapter probably made Ino-fans die a little inside (heck, even me), seeing her ally with Sakura and giving her a bit of bashing as well. Um.. Oh well! XD


	7. SASUKE

a/n: HUZZAH! I'm back. Well, I never really went anywhere, but STILL. Wow, I haven't updated in **3** whole days! That's not very long for most fanfics but for MINE it is because I've been updating pretty much everyday. But that can be forgiven because of Thanksgiving and all:D I hope you guys had a great one.

On another note (not that anyone cares) I am SOOOO pissed off right now. Why? Because my "friend" blew me off because we were supposed to go to the mall together. We set our plans in stone about a week ago and all the sudden she made other plans and we drove there for nothing. I got up early to take a shower, blow-dry my hair, put on make-up, etc for NOTHING. So today I think I'm in the mood for quite the Sakura bashing to let my frustration out on.

**FlamexSage: **Yessum, that be me! Mine is left-to-right. :P I'm an american, so I'll just do things in the american way. -shrugs-. As much as I would LOVE to have Shikamaru and Ino together in this fic, I really just wanna focus on the so-called relationship between Sasuke and Sakura. XD; Sorry!

**NarutoBlackmail: **No prob. :B OOC-ness rocks in humor fanfics.

**biawutnow: **Haha, Sasuke with emoticon faces. XD

**Sasukeandrockleelvr: **If you can actually feel bad for SAKURA, then I don't know if reading this fic is a good idea. XD She may not have a large brain but she sure as hell has a large FOREHEAD. I can't even imagine what salt-tasting cookies would taste like. -dies-

----

_Day… goddamn I lost track._

_Dear Diary,_

_Me and Ino made cookies for Sasuke! YAY! Except we accidentally put salt in them, but that's okay because Sasuke hates sweets and he probably won't even look at them and even if he DID, he'd probably throw him out. God, his attitude is just sooo sexy. I love guys who never smile! Anywho, me and Ino are kind of allies now. It's strange, competing for Sasuke's love together, yet… not. Oh NO! It's almost 8pm (oh no)! I gotta go to bed now, goodnight!_

----

Next day.

"Naruto," Sakura began, with confusion in her voice. "Where's Sasuke?"

Naruto shrugged. "Who cares about that bastard?"

"ME!" Sakura cried, stomping her foot in frustration. _OMGGGG I HATE NARUTO!_

"So where is he?" Sakura tried again.

"Like hell I'd know!" Naruto said obviously.

"Well, I'm gonna go find him," Sakura announced, walking off into the distance FOREVER (I wish). Or atleast, for now.

"Sakura, wait," Naruto said, motioning for her to turn around. She sighed. What did that idiot want with her NOW? He was getting in the way of her seeing SASUKE, and we can't have THAT happen.

"What, Naruto?" Sakura asked, annoyed.

Naruto turned away shyly. "Why do you like that asshole so goddamn much anyways? How can you honestly like a guy who never even smiles?" he struggled out.

"Well…" Sakura blushed, her eyes turning into stupid stars again. "He's so CUTE! And sexy. And I love his cold attitude."

"Why else?"

Sakura thought for a second (wow, she did it again!).

"It's none of your business, Naruto." She declared, turning around and heading off once more, until Naruto grabbed her shoulder to turn her back around again (goddamn it Naruto, STOP! Let the pink thing leave!).

"NARU--" Sakura screamed until she was interrupted by Naruto's lips on hers. What is WRONG with you, Naruto?

"I love you!" Naruto admitted as he pulled away, while Sakura rolled her eyes. "Why can't you love me back? Why can't you just realize that Sasuke is a cold bastard that will NEVER fall in love you, probably isn't straight, never smiles, has no cool personality traits, and even if he DID go out with you would probably blow you off all the time to write angst poetry or obsess over power or killing his brother or something Sasuke-like like that?"

"HEY!" Sakura screamed. "STOP TALKING BAD ABOUT SASUKE, YOU PERVERT!" She yelled as she beat up Naruto with her stupid Inner Sakura powers.

Sakura ran off yelling "SASUKE MY LOVE!" as she left Naruto as a steaming heap on the ground. And he cried. POOR NARUTO!

About 10 minutes later, Sakura finally reached Sasuke's house by running MADLY. Why she was in such a goddamn hurry, no one knows. Because she's SAKURA.

She went over the door and started pounding like mad on his door.

"SASUKE! ARE YOU HURT? ARE YOU OKAY SASUKE? WHY AREN'T YOU AT THE TRAINING GROUNDS? OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T DIE SASUKE! WAAAAAH!" Sakura went on and on as she continued pounding like nuts on his door. Stupid Sakura.

Eventually, the door was opened by none other than Sasuke himself, and Sakura toppled right over him as she continued pounding, basically on his chest as Sasuke had this look on his face that was like, "…"

Sakura finally stopped and realized she was ON TOP of Sasuke as she began to blush un-cutely. I guess she must of thought that this was some sort of romantic sasusaku moment because this kind of thing ALWAYS happens in sasusaku fanfics. But anyways, she leaned closer to his lips, about to kiss him like there was no tomorrow because we all know that Sasuke would kiss back. Except, NO WAY.

Instead, he got up and PUNCHED HER IN THE OVARIES. Haha, now Sakura will never have children and spread her genes all over Konoha and give people rabies.

"OW!" Sakura said, grabbing the area where her ovaries are generally located.

"Get out of my house," Sasuke said. He had red spots all over him.

"Sasuke!" she cried, touching his face "gently". "YOU'RE SICK!" she brilliantly deducted. "Oh, what HAPPENED?" She demanded to know as she started bawling her eyes out because that's the only thing she can do, other than whining, biting, obsessing over Sasuke and… um, being stupid. Yeah, that's it!

Sasuke sighed mentally. He just wanted to get her out of here as fast as he could. "I guess your cookies gave me an allergic reaction. I'm allergic to salt, you know. Why the hell would you put salt in COOKIES?"

"Um!" Sakura backed away. "HEY! YOU ATE THEM! YAY SASUKE!" Sakura squealed and gave him a HUGE hug, and Sasuke died inside. A LOT. "DID YOU LIKE THEM?"

"No," Sasuke replied stoically.

"Oh…" Sakura said, dejectedly.

"Forehead!" Another voice called out from the living room of Sasuke's house.

It was Ino who emerged (duh). "What are you doing here?"

"How the hell did you get into my house?" Sasuke asked, but alas, was ignored.

"I should be asking YOU, that question, YOU PIG!"

"I'm taking care of Sasuke!" Ino announced.

"That's what _I_ was gonna do!"

They both looked at Sasuke.

"YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME!" They both yelled at the same time.

Sasuke slapped his forehead. They still didn't get the clue?

"Sasuke! What's your temperature!" Asked one worriedly as she placed her hand on Sasuke's forehead.

"Sasuke! I'll make you some soup!" Another declared, running into the kitchen worriedly.

"SASUKE! I'M GONNA BEAT YOUR FACE IN!" Another voice screamed, as Naruto emerged from the shadows (wtf?) with a Rasengan in hand.

"Sasuke!"

"Sasuke?"

"SASUKE!"

"Hey, where'd Sasuke go?" asked Sakura.

Ino blinked and looked around curiously.

"Beats me!"

"YOU BASTARD! GET BACK HERE!" Naruto exclaimed. They all squeezed their heads through one window (because Sakura's forehead is so damn huge, otherwise they could all look through a window NORMALLY) and watched a running Sasuke as he disappeared into the distance.

"WAH!" Sakura screamed.

All 3 of them jumped out with window and began to chase him like they were angry fan girls all over Konoha.

"SASUKE!"

"SASUKE!

"SASUKE!"

What did Sasuke ever do to deserve this? Oh, woe!

--

ARGH! It totally killed me to do that NaruSaku thing. Oh well!

Hope you guys liked. :)

I'm not really sure when to end this because I have other fanfics in mind(romantic sasunaru, probably). I hate writing more than one fanfic at a time. This'll probably end in one, maybe two chapters.

Tell me what YOU guys want XD


	8. I kind of hate you

a/n: OHHH she's BACK!

**NOOO! IT HAS COME! Yes, I hate to say it, but we're reaching to finale to this fan fiction. I had a lot of fun thinking up of things I could do to Sakura to please you guys, but ALAS! With the approaching Christmas time, I want to get to some more serious fan fiction, and like I said, I don't like focusing on more than one fan fiction at a time. I WAS gonna end this soon, anyways.**

**Thanks a lot, you guys. I'm surprised I got all the way up to 45 reviews for this fic -didn't think it'd get anywhere-. But it did! YAHOO! It's also the most reviews I've gotten for a fic (well, this is ONLY my second fic… and the first one was a GaaraxLee thing which isn't that popular…) not bad, not bad. :)**

**Iloveinuyasha44: **Hah. XD It's probably Sasuke's hobby (other than being angsty).

**3xclusiv3-Bby: **Wow, THE FUNNIEST? I'm honored:D

**NarutoBlackmail: **I KNOW! STUUUPID SAKURA!

**----**

"What's that you've got there, Sakura?" Naruto asked as he ran up to Sakura, who was holding a small slip of paper with writing on it.

Sakura gawked at the note and held it to her chest, as tears streamed from her eyes. "Sasuke wants to come meet me!" she exclaimed, happily. Sasuke was still under the weather. I guess.

Don't even ask me what happened to Ino because um… I don't know.

"That's GREAT, Sakura!" Naruto lied enthusiastically; he was taking a different approach to winning Sakura's heart.

Sakura glared at Naruto. "YOU PERVERT!" she screamed as she threw things at him with her crazy cool Inner Sakura powers (again). Except Inner Sakura isn't cool.

"Owchies!" Naruto cried in woe as he was once again, beaten up and called a pervert for no reason. And he was a woeful, steaming heap once more. Bad, Sakura! BAD!

"SASUKE!" Sakura cried merrily as she skipped over to where they were gonna meet, right around Shino's house (um… I just picked somewhere random for them to meet.).

"OUCH!" Sakura exclaimed because she stupidly ran into Sasuke while she was skipping and singing Sasuke's name. "What is it, Sasuke? Have you come to admit your undying love for me?"

"Um… no."

"OH! So you DO have an undying love for me but you just don't want to admit it!" Sakura tried.

"Uh… no."

"Oh.." said Sakura in a dejected fashion.

"I think I've let this go on longer than I should have."

"What? What are you talking about, Sasuke?" Sakura got a little scared as Sasuke gave her a creepy stare.

"Your life."

Her eyes widened. "What…?"

Sasuke pulled out a chidori from behind it back (SURPRISE!) and killed her.

Well, not really. That's what Sasuke would have LIKED to do. That would be a silly way to end this! Anywho-- back to reality.

"What is it, Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"I'm not sure how to say this…" Sasuke began. "But here goes."

And Sakura was like, "?"

"Sakura, I sort of… hate you. I hate how you and Ino obsess over me like I'm some sort of object. Do you even CONSIDER MY feelings at all? After all this time, do you STILL not GET IT? I'll never fall in love with you, EVER. I can only think of you as a teammate, if THAT even. Find someone else to obsess over, like Shino or something."

And he walked away.

And Sakura's face was like… O-O!

And she was left by herself.

Forever.

And ever.

And ever.

And EVER.

And then she um… I dunno. Died.

**THE END!**

**Haha, what a gay ending. OH WELL! A stupid way to end a stupid story. But atleast Sakura didn't end up with Sasuke, and we all know THAT'S a GREAT ENDING!**

**AWWWRIGHT! -punches the air enthusiastically and turns into a drawing-**

**Next project : A fluffy, Christmas-themed sasunaru. Long one-shot. So look out for that. :3**


End file.
